I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
