question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
