if i died would you start the facebook group?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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