Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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