i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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