i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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