My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
