i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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