I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
