Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
