This is not my ceiling
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
