my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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