uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
