wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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