I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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