my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
