when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
