i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You don't make any sense
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