Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
