Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
This is classic penis vs brain.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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