I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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