there's paper in my vomit.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.