If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
