The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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