All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.