Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
