i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived