Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
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i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
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I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.