I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
