my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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