Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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