you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
