Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
