I think I am morally bankrupt
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
