whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just invented taco cereal.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
