smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Im part way to drunk.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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