Joe is yelling at the trees again.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
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Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
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But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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