apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
