dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
