She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
