don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize