I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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