I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Found your dick twin last night
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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