The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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