I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
