why didn't you poke me back
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize