It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
