He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize