I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
