She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
