Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
