how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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