using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
