You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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