he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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