Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm like, not good at living.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
