I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
