Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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