Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
True but thats because hes a fetus.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
