Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
