she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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