The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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