Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
