You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Watching her eat just hurts me
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
