She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
