Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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