I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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