i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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