i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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