did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
