3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My vagina is officially offended.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
