Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My vagina is officially offended.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
