too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I am available for nakedness
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
