as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
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There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
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He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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