Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
