So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
