somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
