she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
